Happy Birthday New Year!

Somehow, I find myself old enough to live in a retirement community. Since I teach at one and know how active and amazing those residents are, I guess I am just stunned at the number. As the youngest of eight children, it seems odd. Often my older siblings remark on my age as if I did it on purpose to make them feel older! In my head I keep hearing this song I Can't Drive 55

I had a nice birthday punctuated with phone calls, texts, Facebook posts, drive by's and a visit. After a year marked by isolation and little togetherness, the above was both welcome and appreciated. I mostly relaxed and read, after walking the dog and feeding the pets. I try to allow myself to rest on my birthday but I still did a few chores. Routines are hard to break!

I know the challenges of the world for my friends and family have been many. I will tell you that it has been a particularly lonely and hard year for me. I put everything I had into a partnership and after 25 years found myself alone and starting over. For the record, I don't recommend divorce followed immediately by global pandemic. I have been fortunate to find work in my industry during this time but have also worked hard myself.

It's the Roaring 20's all over again! Quarantine is the new Prohibition, Fitness is the new Alcohol. Still, I have managed to stay solvent and have tried to pay my good fortune back into the world by supporting causes I believe in and making charitable donations to several organizations. I have also tried to maintain a sense of hope and have reached out to others even when I have felt as small, insignificant and hopeless as possible. I have always felt like this  You Like Me and this year has made me feel even more this way.

So, on this auspicious day, my 55th birthday, I just want to say thank you! To my friends, and family, you sustain me. Inside, I am still a little girl that feels different. Square peg, round hole. In spite of the fact that I can't secure a full-time job (and there have been many interviews and rejections) I do feel that I am liked, and even loved. I had a wonderful and relaxing day. I received some beautiful gifts, lovely cards and most importantly, people took time to remind me I matter.

The best gift was this, my 15 year old daughter wanted to spend time with me. She held my hand in front of some friends, made me breakfast and gave me the sweetest card (and gift). We have had a rough year and the truth is, I have parented with no road map. I did not grow up in a loving environment, never knew my father and my mother was incapable of attachment. I have tried my best to carefully consider every step, read books, and take classes to avoid overcompensation or repeating the past. 

I love this kid and hope she knows how much she means to me. I also appreciate each and every one of you wonderful people. The most amazing thing about this day is that people showed up for me. Diverse people with different opinions about the state of the world and the ways in which to navigate it. The fact that my birthday mattered and that you found ways to make me feel special has me typing with eyes full of unshed tears. Thank you!