First Day of 4th Grade

My heart broke a little today. Not because it is the first day of school, although it is. Because my daughter did not want to hold my hand as I walked her to class. To be fair, she did want me to walk with her and she let me kiss her cheek but she didn't kiss me back. And so it begins. I know in time I will be sad because she won't want me to walk with her or let me kiss her at all.

Parenting is such a challenge, at least if you consider the responsibility. It is difficult to grow a human. Not physically, that part is comparatively easy. To teach, nurture and guide while allowing your little person to find their own path is no easy task. I try to be careful not to always tell my child which road to take, teaching how to evaluate choices, make assessments and finally, decisions. Parenting is the ultimate responsibility, and responsibility is the ultimate lesson.

We often tell our children they are special and they are, especially to us. Maybe we need to tell them they are unique, different, responsible for the choices they make within that framework and that this is what makes them special. You bring yourself to the party, what you do while you're there is up to you.

Being special has become a hall pass to entitlement and a get-out-of-jail free card for responsibility. Just because you are smart, talented, loved and a million other things doesn't mean you don't have lessons to learn, chores to do and life to live. It means that you bring those qualities to those lessons, chores and life.

It is interesting that responsibility has so many connotations including duty, blame and accountability.
How we use the word and the meaning we attach to it will dramatically affect our choices and our lives. Therefore, it is of utmost importance to teach responsibility in a positive way. Encouraging a child to take chances and make choices. To enjoy the positive outcomes, learn from the negative and own their decisions.

My daughter said at the school open house, "it's like a bunch of people forgot who I was". I could see the hurt in her eyes and I tried to remind her that the people who matter remember. I encourage being polite to everyone but not chasing friends who aren't kind to you. I gave those kids the benefit of the doubt, it was crazy at the open house and I told my daughter that maybe in the excitement, they just didn't see her.

Today when I dropped her off, I hung back and watched a while. I have been following the separation of the mean girls from the pack and sure enough they were there. Smiling, snapping pictures, giving exaggerated hugs and talking loudly but only to each other. Day one of school and already the cliques are forming.

My child is a lot like me, she's pretty observant, smart and sensitive. It's hard not to get sucked in by all the nonsense and there are so many years of nonsense to come. I hope my daughter learns the importance of responsibility,  especially responsibility toward herself. That she does not need to fit in if fitting in means excluding others. That people that ask her to exclude others are not her friends and that stuff is stuff and possessions do not make a person better than someone else. If she can do that she will truly be special, not just to me but to the world. In the mean time, I'll just be over here crying.