Putting it out There

I took a chance and put myself out there. I don't know yet what the result will be but I'm pleased with myself. I do not consider myself a risk-taker but I'm certainly not complacent either. So, I gathered up my courage and did two things that challenged me.
The first was to enter a contest to win a Pilates studio. I find out 9/30 who the winner is.
The second thing I did was to ask for help, which I really dislike doing and I did it repeatedly.
You may be asking yourself, "what's the big deal?" Let me tell you.
I am not naturally confident, do not refer to myself as an expert and generally notice what I need to improve rather than what I am already good at. Despite years of education and experience, and lots of practice in leadership roles, I often feel like a fraud. I'm pretty sure lots of people will relate to the not-good-enough syndrome.
I used to think it was because of the way I was raised. My mother was distant at best, could be cruel at times and never praised me for anything. I grew up finding my own way and learned early on that when I achieved academically, I earned the approval of my teachers. When I made people laugh, I won friends. When I performed athletically, I made the team.
Like so many people, and women in particular, I had been bitten by the approval bug. I liked to be liked and wanted. Who doesn't? I've spent the better part of my life trying not to disappoint anyone and hoping not to be noticed unless it was positive attention. Any recovering perfectionist understands what a futile ambition this is, but it is so hard to break the habit.
So here I am waiting. There are a lot of reasons I am worthy but there are also reasons they might choose another. I'll be okay either way because I did the best I could with the resources I had. I am actually surprised I made it past the first round. Round 1 was a bit of a popularity contest for votes with the highest number over 300.
I could focus on the fact that I have 139 Facebook friends and contacts from email, LinkedIn, etc. and still only managed to garner 32 votes. But you know what? I am gonna celebrate those people that voted for me, that shared those votes and that otherwise affirmed that I am worthy, have a skill set and or believe in me. You matter! I may not have won this contest but your votes mean more to me than you could ever know. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You are appreciated regardless of the outcome.