Isn't "Parent" a title?

I understand the idea of classification, a way to categorize and make sense of the world. What I don't understand is the dichotomy of diversity & inclusion alongside the need to label everyone. Being called a "Tiger Mom", "Free-Range" or "Helicopter Parent" ignores one basic truth; we're all in this together. As parents we will be laid back about some things and uptight about others. Sometimes our hot button topics reveal themselves in unexpected ways.

When I was a kid, if my sisters weren't watching me, I was on my own. My free-range childhood was more about neglect but no one, including myself, knew that then. Because of, or in spite of my upbringing, I regularly consider the things I do and say as a parent. I never utter the "F" word (not that one) when speaking of my body. Trying to demonstrate and empower my daughter that being physically strong is just as important as being intelligent, kind and loving. There is freedom in being able to climb a tree, run up a hill and dance, just as there is freedom in being able to read, think and create.

I know, I am not the only one that does this. So much of what we do is repeat what we have learned or take it into consideration and modify our actions. The first response is more innate and you may only notice when you hear yourself uttering the words of your own parent in a kind of shocked wonder. The second response often comes from wanting to avoid having your own child experience something that you perceived as unpleasant.

When I was in fourth grade I had a Christmas program that I was very excited about. My class was singing "Silver Bells" and I had been selected to introduce us on stage. I struggled with nervousness and giggled uncontrollably before pulling myself together and performing. The rest of the program went well and afterward I searched the audience for my Mom or one of my sisters but no one was there. I walked home in the dark, scared and crying the whole way.

My daughter is in fourth grade and I am trying to find the balance between freedom and responsibility for both of us. My husband and I now meet her in the park across the street from the school. Sometimes we give her a walkie talkie and let her go play with a friend. We talk about choices, awareness and safety but try not to be too freaky. Today however, I was challenged because I had jury duty.

First and foremost, jury duty is the bane of my existence. I get summoned often and feel certain if it were an actual lottery I would be a millionaire by now. Unfortunately, whenever I am summoned I lose money because I am an adjunct. I also have to pay money for child care if my husband is out of town, which he was today. I know it is my civic responsibility and I go. But I digress.

I was able to get a sub for my class and our sitter took my daughter to school but I had no options for pick up. I told my daughter to walk home with her friend around the corner and text when she got home. For the record, she is nine and has her Dad's old iPhone that stays in the house. Luckily, I was excused in time to walk to the park and meet her. So what kind of parent does that make me?
Just a parent, a person who is sometimes faced with no easy choices. A person that makes mistakes, over-corrects, but most of the time does a pretty good job of loving and caring for my child.

Please stop being so mean and judgemental! I know it's hard. We see people doing things we don't like or agree with but what we see is such a small piece of a day. Is every snap shot of your day a perfect parenting moment? Obviously we must intervene when a child is in serious danger but it is impossible to always know when that will be. I truly believe that most parents are doing the best they can with what they have to work with. So while I may not agree with someone about curfews, sleepovers and walking home from school, I don't feel like they need to be condemned.

A friend of mine once came to the park with me and my daughter and we watched her play with some other kids. My friend warned me that my daughter was walking too close to the swings and was likely to get hit. I called it to my daughter's attention and she moved away only to be right back in the same spot moments later. Again, my friend said something to me but this time I just watched. She actually wasn't that close and I figured she would learn if she got bumped. My friend was appalled but to me it made sense, I was giving her the opportunity to learn to be aware of her surroundings.

The point is, we make choices about our children given our own experiences, beliefs, and circumstance. Sometimes we are better than others and more often than not, we will not know the long-term effect or be appreciated until a much later date. Parenting is on the job training for both parent and child, lessons are learned every day. Hopefully, we will look back on this time and laugh at how ridiculous the need to label parenting styles was.