Growing Pains

My daughter is 13 and today I took her to Claire's to get her ears pierced. This is the same Claire's I took her to approximately seven years ago when she thought she wanted to get her ears pierced because several of her classmates had their ears pierced. At that time I had no intention of getting her ears pierced, because I knew she wasn't ready. She liked to play rough and was still learning how to do a good (and by good I mean thorough and consistent) job with personal care. In a masterful bit of parental villainy I must admit I'm proud of, I told her that I thought she should wait but we could go watch someone get their ears pierced and then decide.
I hit the jackpot as when we walked in a little girl was sitting down to get her ears pierced. She was a sweet looking little girl; blonde, blue-eyed and I'd guess about 5 years old, a year younger than Abby. Her Mom was standing right beside her and we tried to be nonchalant at a nearby display. The first ear was pierced with a soft click of the piercing gun. Those suckers used to be a lot louder, so I was a little concerned that my point (see what I did there?) would not be made. I needn't have worried because just as quickly as the thought went through my mind, the little girl began to wail. Abby grabbed my hand and pulled me away saying she didn't want to get her ears pierced....Mission accomplished!
We laughed about it today reminiscing before we went in and talking about what to expect. I told her she could change her mind at the last minute and she could hold my hand if she wanted to but I wouldn't embarrass her by asking in front of anyone. I let her know that the click of the gun could be startling but that the initial piercing didn't hurt, it was the subsequent rush of blood to the area that created heat that could be uncomfortable. She was a champ, wanted to hold my hand but was composed and thanked the young woman that did the piercing. I'm glad she waited as most of her friends that had their ears pierced when they were young, had to have it done again because they didn't care for them properly.
It's hard to teach children, or anyone really, that they don't have to follow the crowd. We encourage individuality, but we are social creatures and belonging to a group whether it be family, friends, school, church, work, etc. fuels our need for acceptance. It is validating when others have similar beliefs and agree with your opinions. Abby loves all of the '80's movies I've shared with her. The clothes, the music and even the simpler time. I love that we share those things. As tempting as it is to tell her what to think, and sometimes I do, I try to teach her how to think. To step back and evaluate so she can respond, rather than react.
I don't always get it right. It's the hardest lesson to learn as both a parent and a person. You can have the best intentions, do the right thing and still not get the desired result. Today was a win. We shared a lovely experience, had honest conversation and enjoyed each other's company. As Mother's Day approaches, I wish I could convey to my child that these moments are all I really want. To feel loved and appreciated by my child and to spend a few hours just each enjoying the person she is, and the one she is becoming. We all have growing pains, not just children, but parents too. Beginnings and endings are hard, change is difficult, and children remind us of that regularly. But, if we're lucky, we have days like today that steady us through the challenges and guide us as we stumble along our journey.