The Truth

A couple of weeks ago I didn't feel so well. It started on a Wednesday and I ended up going home early. I dispersed my absenteeism, missing anything physically or mentally demanding and dragging myself through the rest. On Friday, I had everything from well wishes, advice and (my favorite)..."you're still sick?" Yes, I'm afraid I am human and I am not 100% after two days. Unfortunately, biology doesn't work that way!
The average cold, flu or sinus infection is still in development two days in. While I'm not sure what I had, I feel pretty tough being on the mend in under a week. I may be overly sensitive, but the pace of the world and the realities of life do not coincide. I bring this up because I think a big part of the mental health epidemic is the incessant and false belief that there is a time frame.
In the last six months, my daughter started high school. My twenty-four year marriage ended. I lost a family pet and I moved. All while working 5 jobs. I didn't drop the ball. I showed up, performed and kept myself together, mostly. I am seeing a therapist, reaching out to friends and doing my best not to be an island in a storm of change.
The hard thing is, grief has it's own timeline and there isn't a one size fits all solution. I am grieving. I am still sad. I am still overwhelmed. On a near daily basis, I feel like a failure. I'm scared I'm not going to make it on my own, that maybe I should "get serious" and give up my 30 year career in Health and Wellness for something safer, more predictable and with a benefit package.
Here's why I'm sharing. As hard as it feels right now, as much as I'm struggling, I know I'll get through it. I don't always know that in the moment. Sometimes I drink too much wine, cry myself to sleep and doubt that I actually will get through it.  But, I show up and I do the best I can knowing that time is the ultimate healer and I have a history of surviving.
What about others? If you don't have that history? Aren't seeing a therapist? Feeling incredibly alone, which I do, even though I am not. You don't just get over things, there is a healing process. It may be weeks, months or years. In your endeavor to be a good friend, family member, co-worker or whatever, remember. Remember that the person who is hurting, healing and vulnerable may be uncomfortable reaching out. Listening, not fixing is a huge blessing to those going through something. The trajectory of an individual that is grieving, struggling and striving to find a new normal is their own. As much as you may want to make it better, as much as the person wants things to be better, no one knows the path, including the one that is on it.
So, walk with, listen to, share space, but let that person move through the struggle at their own pace. Doing so can make all the difference in the transition from what was, to what may eventually be. I'm grateful to all those that seek to help, I know your heart and best intentions. To those that have shared my bumpy road with love and compassion, I thank you. I think it's important to remember that your own discomfort should not be more important than the suffering of another.
I am writing this because, so often we are surprised to find someone we know is hurting. We are shocked when we discover people that seem like they have it together often don't. I understand not wanting to make people uncomfortable. There are three versions of myself right now, sad, angry and the version of normal I share with the world. I wonder how often people might want to tell you the truth but respond with, "I'm fine" when asked how they are? Because the truth is uncomfortable sometimes and "getting over it" isn't as easy as it sounds.