Throwback

Last Thursday I took my daughter to the dermatologist. My derm is busy and I had made the appointment before most people had even heard of the Coronavirus. So, in we went, after having our temperatures taken and assuring the young man taking them that we were not sick, had not been around anyone that was, had not traveled or been around those that had. I was annoyed and also grateful to be healthy and boring! The bump under Abby's left brow turned out to be another pilomatricoma, a benign calcium-based tumor. This is her third, she had two others removed from her cheek by a plastic surgeon. One at 3 years and one at five years of age. I was so anxious both times.

As she did when she was small, she handled it like a pro but was more involved. I've been encouraging her to speak directly with care providers and tell them what she is experiencing so she is ready by the time she is an adult. I'm always there for support, clarification and permission but I want her to be her own best advocate and not embarrassed to ask for what she needs. She did exactly that. Told them what she felt and said she wanted it to be removed. They started prepping and she asked in surprise, "now?" She got the shot to numb the area and asked smart questions about what to expect. By request, I held her hand while the tumor was removed and she barely squeezed. When it was all over, she thanked the dermatologist for being honest about what to expect. I hid my pride behind my mask.

The next night we watched the Gilbert Theater Ensemble Awards live streamed via zoom on Facebook. Abby was inducted into the International Thespian Society and even though she wasn't on camera, she stood and took her oath. She was also made Assistant Thespian Rep for the theater council next year and I am hoping that there will be some sort of next year to look forward to at school. Abby loves theater and had been rehearsing for a month, even volunteering to work extra hours on set design during part of spring break. She had auditioned and earned a speaking role and I was so pleased she was hitting her stride and finding her joy.

As the awards show wrapped up, her theater teacher got emotional addressing her seniors and so did I. I know several people with children that graduated this year and I feel so sad that they missed so much. I know what that is like. I never attended a prom and didn't graduate from high school. My peak was my sophomore year when I earned a spot on the drill team and did go to homecoming. The difference is that I really didn't expect to have any of the experiences that most kids did because my life was very unpredictable and I had no parental support. I got over the sadness relatively quickly and moved on because I had to. My sister got me a job and I was happy to be on my own, able to take care of myself.

Most of the kids I know have involved parents and support. Senior year is an exciting achievement and the end of year events are the pinnacle. Covid 19 pulled the rug out from under many kids, especially seniors. So, I felt my eyes well thinking of them and seeing the kids during the awards share their thoughts and feelings. I also felt guilty for being relieved this was the beginning of Abby's high school experience and not the end.

It's tough to watch your kids suffer physically or emotionally but there is no way to avoid it. We can not predict or control the environment but we can plan wisely and respond thoughtfully. I asked Abby how she felt about everything and though she's sad she can't be with her friends, she was more concerned about her senior friends. She has thrived in the online learning environment. Even with all of the ups and downs this year, she will finish strong, with all A's and one B. Through a divorce and a pandemic, she has prevailed. Her father and I have worked together to help navigate the changes and challenges but she did the work. I like the saying, "real girls aren't perfect and perfect girls aren't real" and have shared it with Abby many times. She may not be perfect but she is amazing and I am proud of my girl!