Boom

Let me be blunt, the world is full of shit! Mixed messages prevail, people say one thing and do another. Today as I sat in the counseling department to work out the various options for my daughter to conclude this year, manage next year and prepare for college, my mind wandered. Years ago, I attended a parent open house at a college prep oriented school and knew immediately I would not be sending my daughter to that school. Of course I want the best for my kid, but that does not include doing what other people do or competitive parenting.

My kid is my kid. I know her better than anyone and she (we) do not fit into anything traditional. Not because we are better than others, just different, and I hope, real. So today when I picked up my daughter's yearbook before heading to counseling, the woman in the bookstore commented more than once that my preparedness made things so much easier. I am trying to pass that on to my daughter because generally, it makes life easier. Seriously, I am surprised when my organization seems unusual. I just try to make the process easier for everyone, why is that strange?

After picking up the yearbook, I sat in the counseling department and listened to options. The circumstances sounded vague and confusing because this has been a tough year and I needed to cut to the chase. So, I asked for the bottom line and the worst case scenario and guess what? Things were not as dire as they seemed. I flat out told the counselor that I wasn't concerned with Ivy League entrance. I want my child to have a college experience for herself, not me. Turns out, her cumulative GPA is 3.85 even with a crappy quarter. I earned my MS with the same GPA. Guess how many times I have been asked about it? None! Even though my GPA qualifies as summa cum laude, no one has asked or cared.

My daughter has been taking honors courses since she finished elementary school, but here's the thing; she is gifted and honors courses don't really suit her. Honors students are bright kids that are hard workers. That does not describe my child. She is more than bright and finds normal challenge boring, can work hard when it interests her and flounder when it doesn't. When she was in gifted courses, she excelled because those educators knew how to teach kids like her. I told the counselor as much and he seemed surprised at my forthrightness. I like to joke around but the future of my child is serious and my ego has no place in determining that future.

Again, I don't think my child is better than others, just exceptional in different ways. I am not here to coddle her but to be her advocate until she is ready for me to pass the baton. Something I have been actively doing for years. The world though, tells her differently. If I'm being honest, me too. I have told only two people this because honestly, it feels like it separates me. I have spent so many years trying to belong and have kept this a secret. I have a genius IQ, but it doesn't make me feel better than anyone.

Though my daughter hasn't tested for that, I wouldn't be surprised if she does too. She is sensitive and empathetic like me and I think she will feel similarly uncomfortable. One of the two people I told thought I was funny for describing myself at the low end of genius. Actually, I feel fortunate. There is a very fine line between genius and madness and I like to think my score keeps me a bit closer to sanity.

So after exploring multiple scenarios with the counselor, I reached out to my daughter and ex-husband to share my insights. My former spouse was happy to discuss via Facetime and my daughter wanted her yearbook and the banana bread I made. High school is a blip on the radar. So is college. Experiences matter and can dramatically impact your education.

Our kids give us the opportunity to slow down, play, be present and provide love and support even if that wasn't our experience. I do my best to notice but don't always hit the mark. What matters more than anything is awareness and effort. Removing your stuff and focusing on theirs. Easier said than done but the best, most important effort you will ever make in my opinion.

We are down to the wire, today is the last day. I remember the email from one teacher suggesting my daughter could not recover her grade this quarter. Guess what, she did! She also said she wants to take those honors classes next year. Though the counselor suggested it might be easier to take regular classes, when I asked my daughter if she thought she could come back from this year and push through next year, she said yes! I believe her. She kicks ass when she wants to and knows she has support.