Ups & Downs

Stylish vacation mode!

 
So, this happened last week: I drop my girl off for her music lesson and hit Fry’s (same shopping center).
I put the groceries in the car and am walking through the parking lot to music studio. While looking over my shoulder to make sure no cars are coming, I trip on a speed bump and go flying. I am shocked to find myself splayed across said speed bump & quickly jump up. Even though my previously injured hamstring was letting me know it was not happy! Only one witness saw me and asked if I was okay? I quickly replied yes, I just felt stupid and she responded with kindness telling me not to feel stupid. I wish my embarrassment did not prevent me from appreciating her kindness and hope she knew I was grateful for her gesture.

Honestly, I feel like my Doctor jinxed me when she asked at my annual visit if I had fallen. I looked at her blankly and realized she was asking because of my age! I'm sorry but I think my age is too young to be asked that question, or at least I did until the parking lot incident.

 

It’s been a hard few years but I feel like we are getting back to us (me & my girl). We always had a different relationship than she & her Dad. There was never a competition just different connections.
Being a Mom is the most difficult role I have undertaken. Less because of us and our relationship and more because of societal expectations and the BS of life. When the world tells you it’s the greatest, most rewarding job but it comes without remuneration, prestige or actual respect, it feels like you’re trapped in a sea of expectation with very little support.

This week my girl is in Hawaii with her Dad. I am on mail, trash/recycling duty at his house and bunny duty at mine. They are gone for 10 days! Friends have told me I'm nice to help and this surprises me. I never hated the man (might have been easier if I did). Honestly, forgiving him has been far easier than forgiving myself. Besides, we share a child and a large part of parenting is being a role model. Life with a teenager (soon a legal adult) is interesting.

My girl is going through the normal phase of distancing herself from us (her parents) and becoming more independent. The other day while driving, I told her, "I can't believe I will be 60 in three years". She countered with, "I'll be 20 and that's worse!" I asked why and she told me I was already good at being an adult so, the number wasn't as hard for me. She, on the other hand, didn't know how to do it and was a little scared at the prospect. This kid is so smart and aware, I know she'll be okay but her logic made sense. Finding our way back to the relationship of a Mother and daughter that have open, honest conversations about everything feels good. I think she knows I have her back and I appreciate feeling loved and trusted.

Her texts from Hawaii have been loving and fun. I can't wait to hear all about her trip and truly hope she and her Dad have a blast. Abby has always had two very different parents that show their love in disparate ways.  I think she recognizes that and is starting to appreciate those differences like she seemed to before our divorce.