I don't know how to describe us, other than poor. On and off public assistance, we moved frequently because we were often evicted. Life was very unpredictable to say the least. Not only did we not have money but Mom didn't manage the little we did have very well. One thing she did prioritize was cable. We got rid of phone service before we shut off cable. Electricity and water were the last to utilities to go. Often we were without food. Movies (and later, books) were a great escape. Most of the Shirley Temple movies were about facing adversity with hope, a smile and a little song and dance. No matter what the situation, Shirley prevailed.
I loved all of her movies but I've always had a fond spot for A Little Princess based on Frances Hodgson Burnett's story by the same name. At that time I hadn't read the book but I did later and also enjoyed the Secret Garden. If you don't know the story it is a riches to rags tale of an affluent little girl who has lost her mother and later loses her father too. Before her fall from grace, Sara becomes known as a little princess because of her wealth but also, and more importantly, her kindness and generosity. She does not lose these qualities even as her status changes and she is treated poorly.Of course the Shirley Temple movie deviates somewhat from the original story but the essential element of maintaining her integrity and kindness in the face of adversity remains. My favorite scene is when Sara, portrayed by Shirley, wakes up to discover the cold, dingy attic that she is forced to live in has been magically transformed. I loved that scene and would imagine such a thing might happen to me. Of course it didn't, but it was still wonderful to consider.
I don't love the holidays, they were more often disappointing than anything. I did have a couple of good ones, mostly because of my older sisters, but fond childhood memories of Christmas are hard to come by. I knew the truth at a young age because that was my reality. There often wasn't Christmas dinner or gifts. Because of, or in spite of that, I always wanted to make Christmas magic for my daughter. It was so much fun when she was little and believed, but of course, children discover the truth. I knew that day would come and would tell her the real magic was love.
It's hard not to feel like a trick was played on you when you realize your parents have been telling you stories (the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, Santa Claus) for your whole life. I wanted Abby to know that having an imagination and believing in something are magical, and that parents wanting to give you that magic for as long as they can is not a trick but an act of love.
We are well past believing in Santa Claus and it is yet another difficult holiday season for many reasons. Yet, I am hopeful that Abby will recognize that she is still loved and that her parents want to deliver magic even as we try to manage a new normal. Kindness is a precious gift, one that makes me believe in the magic of love and want to share it. I like to give books and pajamas because I remember how wonderful it was to have a new pair of pajamas to wear or a book to read. In some small way, those things made me feel like I woke up to a beautiful new room, a new day, a fresh start.
So, this year I have bought books and decorated Abby's room. It has been a slow process and I have tried to respect her desire to do things her way. I have been collecting things she likes but have held off in some areas at her request. One of the things I have included is a copy of A Little Princess. I hope she will read it and realize that life gets better. Things can be hard but you don't have to let them make you hard. Love comes in different forms from different people and while it may not always be exactly what you want, it can be magical just the same.
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